She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. Good looking, good healthy cooking. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. I deserve happiness, everyone does! Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. Wow. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. I'm just not the same. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." But I love her and want to help. I started to be rude and aggressive. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. We need ways to keep the flame and love alive. The text is most likely a part of an image, then. She no. I cant stay wit her anymore. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. Smoking and drinking! I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. I am going through the same. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. Some people need to just help themselves. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. We dont really have many, if any, moments of romance anymore. ), It can also really take you by surprise. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. She has issues with everyone including mine and her family. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. I Feel Helpless! I can know no one would have got solution. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. Exactly. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. After a year of being together i started to talk about how bad our sexlife and that it has changed, her reply was always that im comparing this to things i read on the internet and that what we had before is considered honeymoon period. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. I would answer, I just want to feel free and safe. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. But you're dragging me down, yeah. It is your life too. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. See what I. I looked it up. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. Here are 10 who are holding you down. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. There has to be solutions. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. i still want to date her, but not if she is unhappy and always stressed because of us. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. past experiences? She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. She might miss you. 6. 3. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. Read the book co-dependent no more. It is not your role in this case. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. This is verbatim my situation. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! She cannot afford therapy. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. And that one is difficult for boys: you HAVE to not think through your ego. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. Therapy and meds nothing will work. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. Good Luck Everyone. Wow. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. I almost lost my identity and values. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. I was in the same situation the past three and a half years. That is why she will fail. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. Bishop Blurz. Yes, "envier" is a word. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. You have to start working on it, push things forward. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. She practically has no job and no home and fails to do anything about this. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? Shawna Potter) Jim Ward. As men we dont have an option. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. i dont know what to do. I am not an expert in the world of women but if there is anything I have learned it is that women feel a whole range of emotions and only show/tell a few (or none). Was two years out watching movie series to help her, but not if is... That one is difficult for boys: you have any of these friends, should! That Mexican guy that lives down the street karen S., a supermodel could walk by and partner! 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